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Speaker: WB attack fourth ‘significant event’ in area
by Gregory R. Norfleet · News · October 27, 2016


A domestic violence intervention representative called the recent incident in West Branch the fourth “significant event” in the eight-county area in the past five months.


Domestic Violence Intervention Program speaker Kristy Fortman-Doser, speaking to the West Branch Lions Club on Oct. 19, said domestic violence victims commonly do not want batterers arrested.

While this seems counterintuitive, she said, keep in mind that most batterers know more than anyone else about their victims — like friends, family, bank account numbers, passwords and more.

“They know who you love more than your own life,” she said. “What would it take to keep you safe from that one person?”

Batterers possess knowledge, leverage and access — three tools for control and manipulation, Fortman-Doser said.

“They know what scares you, what buttons to push,” she said. “Batterers will go further than the average person.”

Yet DVIP can help, and staff has met women at Jack & Jill grocery store, the downtown gazebo and the West Branch public library — anywhere they feel safe, Fortman-Doser said.

Lions Club members’ questions revolved around the Oct. 8 incident and how to help.

She noted that West Branch responded to the Oct. 8 incident with food, clothing, toys and financial help for the victim, which she praised.

However, she said the victim will need a network of friends and family — people she can trust — to resume a sense of normalcy.

Lions Club president Mike Quinlan, who once worked with convicts and even facilitated rehabilitation classes for jailed batterers, said that if a judge hands out a 10-year prison sentence to Mike Kelley, Kelley could be released in as little as two-and-a-half years.

Kelley is suspected in battering a 35-year-old woman on Oct. 8.

“I was going to say three to three-and-a-half years,” Fortman-Doser said.

Fortman-Doser noted that West Branch Community Schools’ staff are “very interactive” and “incredibly supportive” getting families help in domestic violence situations.

Much of that comes from the fact that domestic violence in teenage relationships “escalates faster than adults,” she said, and friends and teachers recognize when students become withdrawn, or constantly check in with their boyfriend / girlfriend, two of the many “red flags.”

Fortman-Doser said people who know or suspect a friend is a victim should, when talking to that friend, avoid:

1. Criticizing the abuser. Instead, she said, “focus on the behavior,” with statements like “Hitting is wrong” or “You don’t deserve violence.”

2. Asking “Why do you stay?” This puts the victim on the defensive, and suggest they are “stupid,” Fortman-Doser said. Instead, ask the batterer, “Why are you battering?”

Statistics show that women who leave a batterer are “72 percent more likely to be killed within the first two weeks of leaving.” she said.

And many batterers will spend up to 21 months showing up at homes, family gatherings, school events and more, either screaming, slashing tires, disrupting finances or “looking for you,” she said.

Fortman-Doser said victims often will return to batterers for:

1. Children — “to not destroy their world.”

2. Finances — so children “will not live in poverty.”

3. Safety — “to get (the batter) to back down” from tormenting them for leaving.

“I’ve never met a victim who wanted to end the relationship,” Fortman-Doser said. “It’s somebody they love ... It’s incredibly complex.”

She said abusers start exercising power and control with insults and guilt, coercion and threats, withholding money and leveraging children, among other tactics.

Eventually, if the relationship lasts long enough or does not change, the victim will build up a resistance to these methods, and abusers may become batterers.

“When batterers start with violence,” Fortman-Doser said, “it’s because they lost control with other manipulation attempts.”

DVIP provides secure shelters for victims, their children and even pets, she said.

DVIP offers domestic violence abuse prevention classes, even as young as first grade with a course called, “Hands Are Not For Hitting.”

She said DVIP would welcome someone from Cedar County to serve on its board of directors, and would also like to see a local coalition raising money for them.